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Uzumaki Naruto – Savior of Konoha (?)

Exclusive from J. Jona Jijitsu

After the devastating attack by the so-called „Six Paths of Pain” - very convenient nicknames to hide the villains’ true identities! – that destroyed our beloved Konoha, demolished our homes, devoured our fine citizens, leaving only the dark, desolate debris of our once venerated village, we bring you exclusive information that sheds new light on what REALLY happened on that forsaken day!

We at the Daily Leaf had been working day and night to uncover the TRUTH, and bring it to you even under these chaotic conditions! Prepare, folks! You’re not gonna like this one! Our insider information confirmed that the so-called „Six Paths of Pain” were nothing more than corpses, controlled by the true perpetrator from afar! But who is this Puppet Master? And where is this menacing, maniac mastermind now?!

Our investigation uncovered FACTS that might SHOCK you! The mysterious mastermind is at large, and his identity still is a closely kept secret of the incompetent, irresponsible institution of the Hokage’s Office – whose inability to defend us, my dear fellow citizens, led to this cowardly attack! But our brave and diligent journalists at the Daily Leaf have identified someone who not only personally knows but was with the perpetrator on that d4mned day:

Uzumaki Naruto! Savior? Spy! Scoundrel! After allegedly defeating the sixth path of Pain, the „HERO” of Konoha was susplciously quick to leave the battlefield. Not more than 20 minutes later, he’s been spotted entering the hidden hideout that our experts have identified as the headquarters of the entire operation! God knows what kind of deceitful, devious deals this dastardly delinquent made with the enemy of the Village, but merely a few minutes later, he left the hideout without any sign of struggle or attempt to apprehend the vicious, vile villains!

You don’t believe it? We have evidence! Here’s the photograph our brave cameraman took of him entering the secret hideout of the hideous hoodlums!

And here’s another showing him exchanging pleasantries and even gifts with a woman dressed in much the same attire as the attackers, who multiple insider sources have since identified as the principal accomplice of the Puppet Master!

There you have it, folks! Conclusive evidence that Uzumaki Naruto is collaborating with the enemy! This shouldn’t come as a surprise for our loyal readers as we’ve exposed this jarring juvenile jinchuriki many times before. Wherever he goes, death and destruction follows! This humble journalist has warned you about him, my dear readers, after the infamous Chuunin Exam incident, where he wreaked havoc, and destroyed the arena built from your tax money, the very event that took countless lives – among them the Third Hokage’s, the very leader of our beloved community! But the Third’s painful passing was only the beginning! This so-called „hero's” path led to many of his comrades' disappearance – or death, like the true prodigy of the village: Uchiha Sasuke, or the Legendary Sannin, Jiraiya.

Uzumaki Naruto had proved countless times to harbor deep-seated hatred towards Konoha, its fine citizens, and marvelous history when he desecrated the Great Faces of the Hokages, and don’t even get me started on the destruction of the greatest monument in the world, at the Valley of the End! Our famous forefathers of the fabulous Fire Country would turn in their graves, grieving the gallant grandeur of the fine craftsmanship of these National Treasures so dastardly defaced by this delinquent. I am gutted, my dear fellow citizens, ab-so-lu-te-ly GUTTED!

Don’t believe the lies fed to you by the mainstream media, the Daily Leaf is here to expose the uncomfortable TRUTH, that Uzumaki Naruto is a MENACE and a DANGER to society!

How long before the Hokage’s Office heeds our warnings? What more do they need to see the TRUTH – and act accordingly?

This humble journalist will continue his fight to report you the TRUTH, until the corrupt Hokage Office finally listens to reason! We will not give up, and we cannot be silenced! Let’s just hope – for all our sakes my dear fellow citizens – that it won’t be too late!

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Special thanks to Asuka Ishimaru for the AMAZING picture edit, and the invaluable input!